As I look back over our exploration of dependence, I am a little startled by the realization that the discussion has already filled 16 articles.
Starting with the recognition that we are dependent beings, we have tracked our dependence from the beginning of The Story, following it up all the way up through the Gospels. We have traced it through the stories of Abraham, of the nation of Israel, and of the disciples.
In the unfolding of these stories, a question has emerged – “If that’s what dependence looked like in their stories, what does it look like in ours?” By the time we get through Jesus’ instructions, the question has become very pointed. “Does He require us to get rid of all our possessions and quit our jobs to somehow follow Him?”
“If so, how? If not, then what does He expect of us?”
How do the lessons apply to life in the 21st Century?
Now, while I have been writing about dependence for a little more than four months, it has been an integral part of my walk with God for many years. The only way I know to explain what dependence looks like today is to share highlights from my own journey – to recount how I have seen God develop my dependence on Him.
So, last week, we looked at Him teaching me to let go of my merit-based approach to accept His provision through the generosity of others.
I wish I could say that I learned that lesson quickly, but, the truth is, I would wrestle with it repeatedly during my four years of seminary. Even now, it resurfaces.
But as I neared graduation, I was approaching another of those places where the trail forked, and I was going to have to decide to depend on God… or not. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, with this decision I was about to enter a new phase in my dependence-training.
By the end of my four years at Dallas Theological Seminary, I had three points of clarity about the future:
- I wanted to study the Bible deeply, and teach it to anyone who was interested.
- I wanted to have a long-term impact in helping people walk with God.
- I was created to wear boots and jeans. Seriously.
And, although I didn’t feel it with the same kind of conviction, I really thought I wanted to live in Colorado.
As Kasie and I explored the options available to us, a couple of small churches looking for a pastor expressed an interest in me.
One of them was in Colorado, in ranching country. This could be a great fit for a guy who was created to wear boots and jeans.
Their interest developed to the point of inviting us up for a visit. We met them, they met us, and I preached. We returned home. The congregation voted.
I don’t remember the exact numbers, but the vote was somewhere around 84 percent in favor of inviting me to be their next pastor.
My initial response was to decline the invitation.
As we had prayed for God’s direction through the search process, we had identified two indicators to help us discern His leading:
- Our house would sell.
- We would get at least 90 percent of the congregational vote.
Although our house had been on the market for several months, there was no activity – no interest. And, we only got 84 percent of the vote.
So, I declined.
But… the chairman of the search committee really wanted us to come. And we were ready to be done with the search process.
So, in spite of the fact that there was no indication God was leading us in this direction, and, in spite of the fact that I couldn’t see how I was going to be able to provide for my family on what they could pay us, I changed my mind and we agreed to go.
Of course, there were spiritualized rationalizations for this.
I mean, with the small size of the church, the difference between 84 percent and 90 percent was only a couple of votes. And while our finances would still be very tight, at least I would be “doing ministry.” And, we would be living in Colorado.
So, we “stepped out in faith,” trusting God to provide for our family and sell our house, although I had no real indication whatsoever that God was leading us in that direction.
In the end, the house didn’t sell. Dad ended up bailing me out of it. He assumed the note, and bore the burden of it for a couple of years before he finally sold it at a loss. And, while we met some great people in that church, the decision to go there took us down a path filled with much unnecessary hardship and difficulty. Looking back, now having the perspective an additional 20-plus years of walking with God, I believe that He had something much better in store for us. But I was not willing to wait.
And waiting is fundamental to dependence. It has been since very early in The Story.
Abraham struggled with waiting.
In Genesis 12, God promises to make him a great nation, although he doesn’t even have a son. After a good while with no developments, Abraham (Abram at this point) grows impatient. Since God has not given him an heir, the son of one of his servants, born in his house, will be his heir (Genesis 15:3). God says, “No, your heir will come from your body” (Genesis 15:4-6). Abraham is going to have to wait.
A while later, with collaboration from his wife, they come up with the “Hagar Solution” (Genesis 16). Again, God says, “No.” More waiting. In fact, Abraham would have to wait 25 years from the time God promised to make him a great nation (Genesis 12:1-4) until the time that his first son was born (Genesis 21:5).