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As we explore the issue of what it means for us to live dependently before God, sooner or later, we arrive at the question, “How does this dependence manifest itself today, in our 21^st Century lives?”

I mean, God hasn’t lead us into the wilderness where we gather manna each morning. And Jesus probably hasn’t shown up at your job, compelling you to sell everything and follow Him. So, what does this dependence look like for us?

To be honest, even though my role is more closely aligned with that of the disciples, than most – and by that, I mean that the bulk of my time is devoted to studying and explaining God’s Word – in that sense, even though my role is more closely aligned with that of the disciples than most, my experiences in this area of dependence didn’t exactly look like theirs.

As I think back over my journey, I realize that my dependence on God has not expressed itself in a one-time decision, but that it has been a constant and developing emphasis. Time after time, I have come to a fork in the road, where I have had to make a choice about whether I was going to rest in dependence on God … or not.

As I write this, several of these trail-junctures come to mind as being particularly significant. Hopefully, as we look back at them, you can get an idea of how God may be developing your sense of dependence.

Perhaps the most fundamental of these was connected with my decision to return to school for more training.

After graduating from Bible College in 1981, and having worked in camp ministry, on church staff, and in Christian schools, I became aware of a strong desire to return to a church-staff position where I could be most directly involved in helping people walk with God. At about the same time, Kasie, my wife mentioned that she also had a strong desire for us to return to a church staff position. So, we began to pray about this, but didn’t mention it to anyone.

Although my undergrad degree was in theology, I felt like I needed more training to do what was on my heart. We asked God for direction.

A couple of years earlier, my parents had gotten involved in a church where the pastoral staff had all graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary (DTS). Through their influence, Dad had seen significant growth in his own spiritual life. The impact their training had on their ability to help people walk with God impressed him deeply, and he wanted me to have access to that training.

So, while Kasie and I were secretly praying about me getting more training, Dad came to  me with the offer to pay my tuition to DTS, should I ever desire for more training.

Clearly, God was providing.

At this point, my plan for our living expenses was for Kasie and I to each start our own business. Her’s would rely on her domestic skills, particularly sewing. I would do handy-man work.

In retrospect, this was a most naive plan. But the key was that we were pursuing the promptings God had placed in our hearts.

Grandaddy, my Mom’s dad, had been in business for most of his adult life and saw immediately just how flawed my plan was. He was deeply concerned for our well-being.

I didn’t know it at the time, but he had a place down in the hay room of the barn that he considered his personal altar – the place where he would go to meet with God. He would kneel down beside a bale of hay, his Bible open, and talk to God about the things on his heart.

Well, he was so concerned about our situation that he spent three hours down there one day, wrestling with it before God. He came away with the conviction that he was supposed to cover our fixed monthly expenses – things like house payment and utilities.

Now, while this was a tremendous relief to us, it brought me to a very difficult place –  to one of those forks in the trail.

See, up to this point, in my mind, provision was based on merit. And merit was measured in dollars-per-hour. I was worth x-dollars per hour. Multiply that by the number of hours I worked, and that reflected my ability to provide for my family. In this system, progress is measured by the increase in your worth. The more you had to offer, the more you were worth. The more you were worth, the better you could provide for your family. Thus, your ability to provide for your family reflected your worth as an individual.

But here I was receiving something I hadn’t worked for. That felt like charity. And in this system, charity holds a curious place. Giving to charity is good. It demonstrates that I am able to not only provide for my family, but that my worth is so great, I have excess to give to others.

However, in this system, receiving charity is bad. If you take charity, it is because you lack sufficient worth to be able to provide for your family. And it felt like I was having to take charity. I struggled with feeling worthless.

In the midst of this, God brought to mind Jesus’ washing of the disciples’ feet and His words to Peter (John 13:5-20). Jesus’ washing of their feet was an object lesson to teach them that they were to serve one another. For this to take place, not only would one of them have to humble themselves and serve, but another would have to allow themselves to be served.

Peter’s refusal to let Jesus wash his feet challenged the whole model. Within the church, we are to serve one another. That means that each of us must be willing to let others within the body serve us.

Through this, God was teaching me that I needed to be willing to let others serve me. I needed to let Grandaddy be God’s provision in my life at that point.

See, God’s system is simpler than mine was. In God’s system, you trust God, following His leading, and He provides.

God was leading me to DTS. And He was providing. Through Dad. Through Grandaddy. But I would have to learn to let go of my merit-based system. I was going to have to depend on God. And that meant letting others serve me in significant ways.

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