Because I want this exploration of loving and hating like God to be practical, not just  theoretical, I am going to take this week’s article in a different direction, and reflect on recent events in my life.

In the last 5 months I have given both of my daughters in marriage. I have known that these days were coming since the girls were little. In anticipation of this time, I have observed many other Fathers-of-the-Bride, both in popular culture, and in real-life, and concluded that my expected role was to keep the cost to an absolute minimum. From offering their daughters money to elope, to insisting that they only look on the sale rack for their wedding gown, it seems that the driving principle for the Father-of-the-Bride must always be, “spend as little as possible.” I even had one Father-of-the-Bride tell me, “You can get out of this pretty reasonably if you can avoid feeding the guests.” The logic seems to be that weddings are un-necessarily expensive, and that the success of the union is unrelated to the cost of the wedding. So, since it won’t affect the longevity of the union we should spend as little as possible. And this has bothered me, because I don’t think it reflects God’s heart.

Let’s put this in terms of loving and hating like God. The presumption is that God would love it if we kept the costs below, say, $7,500, but He is really going to hate it if they go above, perhaps, $10,000. We could put different amounts for those thresholds, they are not the point. The question is, “Is God primarily concerned with how much we spend on each of the girls’ weddings?”

To answer this, let’s begin with the recognition that marriage was God’s idea. What did He have in mind? How significant is the institution?

Marriage As The Crowning Act of Creation

We quickly discover that marriage was a part of God’s original design. Creation was not complete without it. Having created man, and given Adam his personal mission, God said that it was not good for him to be alone. So, God provides Eve, who will not only be a companion, but who will complete him and be his intimate.

As scripture unfolds, we discover that God intended that man would initiate the relationship, offering his strength – to provide for, and protect the woman; to care for her tenderly and sacrificially. The woman was to respond in faith, offering her beauty and vulnerability to the man, believing that he would deliver on his promises.

Now clearly, this is not the reality for most couples. Nevertheless, it is the hope for this kind of relationship that continues to draw individuals together in marriage. And while the journey is challenging, this kind of oneness is possible for those who are being transformed by Christ.

So when Seth and Ryan proposed, and Brittany and Dustie, respectively, said, “Yes,” they were agreeing that they had each found the one person, exclusive of all others, with whom they could experience all that God intended in marriage.

That seems pretty significant to me. Something that ought to be celebrated in a worthy manner.

Marriage As The Picture of Our Relationship with God

But there is a much larger perspective. Not only is marriage a gift God wants us to enjoy; it is also a picture of our relationship with Him.

In the Old Testament, the dominant image of God’s relationship with Israel is that of marriage. Unfortunately, Israel often chose the role of whoring adulteress instead of loving wife.

In the New Testament the church is pictured as the bride preparing for her groom, Christ, who will come for her.

Having spent the last 16 months preparing for weddings, this imagery has taken on an intensified significance for me. In this preparation period, every free moment, evening and weekend was devoted to preparing for these weddings.

We searched for the perfect dress – each one uniquely appropriate for the daughter who wore it. Having found the dress, every detail of her appearance was significant. We tried buying a veil online, but when it arrived, we discovered that not just any veil would do. It had to be carefully chosen, just as the dress had been. The same with the shoes, jewelry, and hairdo. The bride must be spotless and without blemish, manifesting all of the glory that God created her to reflect.

And then there were questions of dresses for bridesmaids and flower girls; of wedding invitations, with the details of font, paper and colors; of photographer; of reception venue and the myriad of related details – menu, table decorations, order of events, cakes, flowers, music, etc.

In the midst of this, many other things were set aside – things like vacation and home projects – to focus on the preparations, so that everything would be perfect for the day Seth and Brittany, or Ryan and Dustie, would be married.

So, when the New Testament writers speak of the church as a bride preparing for her groom, this is what they are talking about. Every free moment, every available thought is devoted to preparation for the anticipated coming of Christ for us. All other considerations and agendas are set aside. The bride must be spotless, and everything appropriately prepared.

At this point, I need to point out a significant distinction between how we tend to view the wedding, and the perspective I discovered in Scripture. Based on my experiences, I would say that we see the ceremony as what really matters. Afterwards is a party, and that’s fun, but the part that God cares about is the ceremony.

However, I don’t find this in Scripture, where the focal point is almost always the celebration. For example, Jesus goes to a wedding in Cana, where He turns water to wine (John 2:1-11). Now, let me ask you, how many wedding ceremonies have you been to where they ran out of wine? That doesn’t tend to happen at a ceremony, but it does at a feast! In fact, almost every time a wedding is mentioned in the Gospels, it is called a feast (e.g., Matthew 22:1-14; 25:1-13; Luke 12:36; 14:8). I believe this is more than just a cultural difference, because the event for which the church is preparing herself, the event we are supposed to be living for, is described in Revelation 19:9 as the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Not Marriage Ceremony – Marriage Supper. The culmination of God’s plan for the ages will not be marked with a ceremony. All the preparation for that day will not end with a reception.  It will be a celebration greater than any mankind will have ever known.

So, if marriage was God’s crowning act of creation, and if all He is currently preparing for a feast to celebrate the marriage of His Son, then I have to believe that He loves the fact that we celebrated our daughters’ unions to the men that will be their intimates for life, that we enjoyed good food and drink, festivities and fellowship. I hope their weddings were celebrations in the spirit of the wedding feast at Cana, and worthy reminders of what we should be looking forward to.