So, our exploration of dependence has brought us to a very pointed question – “What obligations does Jesus’ requirement that a disciple give up all his own possessions (Luke 14:33) place on us, today?”
We have already established that it doesn’t mean that everyone has to quit their jobs and take a vow of poverty. But we are still a pretty fuzzy about what it does mean.
So, I’m going to share some of what I have learned about that question over the last 20+ years, by telling some of my own story.
As with many of the things that God teaches me, this was not a one-time class, but an ongoing course of study.
As best I can remember, that course commenced in the context of my growing understanding of discipleship during my years at Dallas Theological Seminary. In addition to formal classes, I was part of a small group that stayed together for the entire four years I was at DTS. Our faculty advisor, Mark Bailey, was passionate about discipleship. I first learned about the marks of a disciple through discussions with Him.
There are seven of these marks. The sixth is based on the requirement from Luke 14:33 that we are currently considering. Mark explained that Jesus’ concern was not the possessions, but our view of who they belong to. Rather than seeing them as “ours”, Jesus requires us to recognize that they are His, entrusted to us to manage for His agenda.
My ongoing study of these characteristics has confirmed this conclusion for me, and leads naturally to the next question – “What are the priorities of His agenda?” Where should I be devoting these resources?
I the course of my study, I identified four. We will look at these in detail later, but for now, I’ll just list them.
- Provide for my needs, and those of my family
- Provide for the needs of others within the body
- Fund Ministry
- Build relationships with those I can impact spiritually
We must avoid the temptation to treat this list like a template that can be adopted in a vacuum. It expresses a set of priorities to pursue in the course of our walk with God. So, it will likely look different in each of our lives, as these priorities are filtered through things like God’s unique design of each of us, the needs of the part of the body around us, and the opportunities we encounter.
As I worked to live out these priorities in my life, my walk with God lead me through two pastorates and onto the staff of a parachurch ministry.
As I look back, I realize my hope was that, by embracing these priorities, I could avoid having to learn them through difficult circumstances. In retrospect, I realize I was approaching things backwards. I was acting as if the point of life experiences was to grasp knowledge, as if the acquisition of knowledge was the ultimate goal. Instead of pursuing knowledge so that I could live well, I was enduring experiences so that I could “know” well. Knowledge, not wisdom, was the goal.
This leg of my journey lasted 14 years, and while I was able to increasingly live out these priorities, the difficulties I was hoping to by-pass were not to be avoided.
The parachurch ministry I worked with was a faith-based ministry, meaning that, just like many missionaries, we had to raise the support to cover our income, benefits, and ministry expenses. This funding was a major challenge for us. At the peak, we were able to raise 65% of our budget, but that only lasted for a short while.
After three years, the in-coming support had fallen off, and was significantly short of what was needed to support the salary we were drawing. In turn, even that salary fell far short of our living expenses. We were going deeper in the hole every month.
Kasie and I were meeting every Monday afternoon to focus on our funding. But in all honesty, that wasn’t having much impact.
The fact was, I no longer believed in the vision of the ministry we had been sharing in our funding presentations. And if I didn’t believe in it, I could no longer ask others to support it.
I began to sense that we needed to be even more adventurous and start a separate non-profit organization. But, given the stress of our existing situation, I was concerned about how scary this would be for Kasie.
One Monday in October 2005 I decided it was time to gently float this idea – not as a plan, but simply as a possibility. I wanted to give Kasie time to warm up to the idea. But before I could bring it up, she suggested I go out on my own. Seemed like God was in this, and was leading both of us to the same conclusion.
So I left for Galveston that afternoon. I needed to get alone with God and pray through all this. Although I only had 24 hours open when I left, two meetings canceled and I was able to spend two full days clarifying where God was leading us.
During that time, some things that had been on my heart for a while coalesced into a coherent whole. I was supposed to communicate the unity and cohesiveness of God’s Story to people in a way that helped them make sense of their lives. Although I didn’t fully comprehend it at the time, the conclusions I arrived at during this retreat were the foundation of what is now TrueQuest.
But with this clarity came something else. As Christmas 2005 approached, I had the growing sense that God was, in effect, saying, “Now that you know what I want you to do, will you pursue it if costs you your house and truck?” I wasn’t going to be able to avoid those difficult life experiences as I had hoped. Professing to know the right answer was not enough. I was going to have to live it out. I was going to have to actually pass the test.
At this point, I understood a little bit about how Peter felt in John 6:68. Because of the difficulties associated with following Jesus, many disciples had turned away. This prompted Jesus to ask the 12 if they wanted to leave too. Peter replied, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Like Peter, I saw nowhere else to go. The only thing I could see to do was continue to walk with God and pursue His direction, whatever it cost me.
At this point, pursuing that direction meant putting The Story together in a way that I could communicate to others.
In the early stages of this process, I again experienced a strong sense of God’s leading. Sitting in a worship service one Sunday in January, I felt compelled to approach the Pastor about teaching this material in a class. The next Sunday, I felt the same compulsion, even more intensely. This lead, not only to me teaching the class, but to an invitation to come on staff as a teaching pastor.
I had not expected this last part. It was not something I had thought about, nor had I had any real desire for it. But as I prayed about it, I again sensed that this was God’s leading. So, I accepted.
In addition to providing an opportunity for me to teach The Story to others, this also relieved much of the financial stress we had been experiencing.
But, although I had joined another organization, the sense that God was leading us to strike out in a new direction continued to grow. As a result, I took the first steps in forming TrueQuest. I filed the paperwork to incorporate. Now TrueQuest had a name and a purpose, but not much else.
Another important development during this time turned around the communication of The Story. I had long had a somewhat latent desire to write, but never felt that I had the right to consider myself a writer. In April 2008, I got the opportunity to attended a writer’s conference where I not only confirmed the desire, but discovered that I actually might have some ability in this area. I returned from that conference with a clear conviction that writing was to be a primary outlet for my teaching.
However, shortly after my return from the conference, it became apparent that my staff responsibilities at the church were going to expand significantly. If I remained on staff, I would not have the time necessary to devote to writing. I faced a choice – hang on to a steady paycheck, or follow God’s leading.
So, I made the decision to leave staff in early May. The church graciously offered to pay me through July.
As we watched God direct through this transition period, it appeared that He was going to provide for us through an opportunity to do technical writing. A friend I had made through my “office” at Starbucks worked in renewable energy and needed a technical writer. The job would pay well enough that I could support my family working part-time. Not only would this give me a lot of free time to write about the things that were on my heart, but even this “part-time” job would give me the opportunity to develop the craft of writing.
However, within a couple of days of receiving my last check from the church, the opportunity fell apart. The energy company saw the economic downturn on the horizon, and froze all budgets.
This was no small crisis. We had no savings, no income, and no idea how God was going to provide. So, Kasie and I sat down in the living room and had a talk with God. “Lord, did we miss something?” We both sensed we had not.
Within a couple of days a check came, made out to TrueQuest. TrueQuest didn’t even have a bank account. It didn’t yet have tax-exempt status. But some friends, who knew about our hearts were willing to trust God and send a check. It was enough that we could operate for a month.
It looked like God wanted us to pursue this TrueQuest thing. One step at a time.
So, I began to work at getting TrueQuest established. Others felt prompted by God to give to TrueQuest. More checks came.
Now, four years later, TrueQuest seems pretty well established. Writing is a major component in our communication of The Story. It seems that we are helping people make sense of their lives in the context of The Story.
During all of this time, we have not sensed that we should ask anyone to support TrueQuest. We have simply trusted God, following His leading. And people have given.
We are grateful. Grateful to those who give. Grateful to God for His provision through them. We continue to trust Him, month by month, and He continues to provide, month by month.
In retrospect, I see that the test from Christmas 2005 was not about simply acquiring knowledge. Not about earning some kind of merit badge. It was about living out the commitment of a disciple. Our journey with Him will continue to take us through difficult places, places that are impassable without this commitment. And without this commitment, we won’t be able complete the mission He has given us.
Hopefully, this glimpse at our journey has begun to give you a sense of what it looks like to give up all our own possessions, to hold all that God has given us with an open hand. In the weeks ahead, we will continue by taking a deeper look at each of the priorities of God’s agenda. After that, we will take an in-depth look at the issue of walking with God. Because over and over, it has been that sense of His leading that has been critical to the journey for us.